I asked my mate who lives in the town centre to drop some stuff into Radio City…
Me: ‘Did you drop that promotional material into Radio City?
Him: ‘I couldn’t remember where it was.’
Me: ‘See that huge building about four-hundred feet tall, the one with ‘Radio City’ in huge fucking lights? It’s that one.’
Twenty something Mum says to her daughter, who’s about 6:
“What d’ya wan fer lunch? Do ya’s wan a Maccy D’s or an ice cream? Or d’ya want both?”
I didn’t hear the daughter’s response but…
Daft work associate watching a pigeon fly past the window then land on the ledge (we worked on the 24th floor):
Fuck me how did that thing get up there? I was in bulk laughing….
I told this woman she was wearing the wrong size bra. I knew this, as I used to be a bra fitter at Harrods for many years and I would be able to tell her exact bra size if I was allowed to check around her breasts, to feel where it didn’t fit right. To show good faith I put two quid on the bar and told her that if I didn’t get her size exactly right she could keep it. After a bit more reassurance she agreed to let me try, so I got to work on her ample bosom. After a few minutes she asked:
“Well, what size am I then???” to which I replied, “Keep yer fuckin’ two pound!”
Overheard by a load of fellas, trying desperately not to piss themselves laughing while all this was going on. Can’t believe I got away with it.
My wife was buying a turkey for Xmas from a butchers stall. He passed one across the counter & my wife noticed it had a leg missing. It’s only got one leg she said. Quick as a flash the butcher replied:
“What you gonna do with it love, eat it or dance with it”
Two old dears eating plates of Scouse:
“These carrots are a bit undercooked”.
“Yeah, and these spuds are harder than the bloody Kray Twins”.
Two lads waiting at the crossing, one turns to the other and says:
Yeah he’s been off a while, he’s had one of em sabbatical cysts removed.
Sitting on the bus heading into town. Group of lads at the back of bus bantering…
Lad 1: ‘Yer al fella has got a fuckin beard like Moses.’
Lad 2: ‘Fuck off you preaching twat. . tell ya what, why don’t you suck a fart out of me arse with a maccies straw.’
