Overheard By Paul

I told this woman she was wearing the wrong size bra. I knew this, as I used to be a bra fitter at Harrods for many years and I would be able to tell her exact bra size if I was allowed to check around her breasts, to feel where it didn’t fit right. To show good faith I put two quid on the bar and told her that if I didn’t get her size exactly right she could keep it. After a bit more reassurance she agreed to let me try, so I got to work on her ample bosom. After a few minutes she asked:

“Well, what size am I then???” to which I replied, “Keep yer fuckin’ two pound!”

Overheard by a load of fellas, trying desperately not to piss themselves laughing while all this was going on. Can’t believe I got away with it.

Overheard By Derek

My wife was buying a turkey for Xmas from a butchers stall. He passed one across the counter & my wife noticed it had a leg missing. It’s only got one leg she said. Quick as a flash the butcher replied:

“What you gonna do with it love, eat it or dance with it”

Overheard By Donald

Two old dears eating plates of Scouse:

“These carrots are a bit undercooked”.
“Yeah, and these spuds are harder than the bloody Kray Twins”.

Overheard By Jude

Two lads waiting at the crossing, one turns to the other and says:

Yeah he’s been off a while, he’s had one of em sabbatical cysts removed.

Overheard by Jay

Sitting on the bus heading into town. Group of lads at the back of bus bantering…

Lad 1: ‘Yer al fella has got a fuckin beard like Moses.’

Lad 2: ‘Fuck off you preaching twat. . tell ya what, why don’t you suck a fart out of me arse with a maccies straw.’

Post by Admin

Listen in to Radio Merseyside on Wednesday November 4th 2.30pm. Interview about Overheard In Liverpool.com and how it all began.

Overheard by Ian

Overheard in the Kop…

“Rafa takes Benayoun off because he’s tired…Why is Lucas never tired….????”

Overheard by CBP

Regarding the recent scheme on Merseyside to crack down on underage teenagers drinking on the streets…

Newsbeat reporter: ‘Now, Tom’s just been given £5 by his mum, what are you going to spend it on?

Tom: ‘Cider probably.’

Newsbeat reporter: ‘How are you going to buy it?’

Tom: ‘I’ll just get a smackhead to go in and get it for us!’

Overheard By Becky

A small lad was getting dragged out of the bar after trying to fight with some stocky lad. Once outside the small lad shouts in a deep voice, ‘That’s it lad, yer gettin yer ed smashed in!’:

Stocky lad shouts back ‘Jus wait lad, I’ll find you on Facebook t’mora!’