In the Pub
You’ll need to wear a tie, you got one?
Yeah it’s keeping me trousers up.
In an Email
At the opening night of an exhibition a German guy had flown over for the opening night. Afterwards everyone was heading down the pub.
Later in an email:
“Did that sinister German drug and kidnap anyone from the pub?”
In the Shop
Lad on mobile phone in shop.
Bud just give me a sec, I’m at the till.
I’m done – I’d run out of bog roll – bad news when your right over the drop zone.
The Office
Two guys in the office were arguing about how to set up a new computer system.
Both of them kept putting their own ideas forward and why their particular idea was superior.
Eventually, one of them said ‘Well, I think both ideas are valid.’
The other guy replied ‘Yeah, but mine is more valid than yours.’
In City Centre
Corner of Church St & Whitechapel. Man with his young son.
Son: Dad, why is there lots of police?
Father: Someones been swearing son.
Saturday Shopping
Argument In Primark
Girl. ‘But do you think my mum will like it?’
Lad. ‘Listen, Megan, I couldn’t give a ferret’s fuck whether she likes it or not.’
On Bold St
It’s ladies day at Aintree, girls are out in town in all their finery. A gay shopkeeper is stood outside shop chatting to straight guy.
Gay: So what you doing today?
Straight: (Checking out a girl) I’m gonna wander about and look at the sites.
Gay: Ttt I don’t know? Typical man!
