Two scally kids, one skinny and one fat, tried to walk off with my brother’s case when his train pulled into Liverpool Station. They immediately had their collars felt by a plainclothes copper.
COPPER: Where do you think you’re going with that?
SKINNY KID: It’s me mate. He’s hungry and looking for something to eat.
Overheard on the Merseyrail on the way to Chester. A group of lads are trying to chat up 3 girls, and as the girls get off the train the lads all shout out after them:
Lad 1: Show us yer tits!
Lad 2: GET YER RAT OUT LOVE!
Lad 3: Yeah show us your rat, go on!
Lad 1: SHOW US YOUR SPLEEN!!
Genius
In the office speaking to some a colleagues about Sarah Baron Cohen being threatened by the Al Qaeda. When a girl colleague interrupts the conversations.
Girl:
Who’s Al Qaeda?
Me and colleagues:
You know why there is a war right and Osama Bin Laden?
Girl:
Yeah i know that…but what happened to the other guy he was with?
Me:
What other guy?
Girl:
the guy with the tach?
Me:
Do you mean Saddam Hussein???
Girl:
Yeah yeah!!!! What happen to him???
On the 82 coming home from town one day with my girlfriend..
a group of about 8 scallies got on the bus.
there was a girl with really short bleach blonde hair.
They kept taunting her (even though she had headphones on so couldnt hear them anyway) and as she got off one went:
“ay lad… if ya ripped her hair off you’d just end up with a pink wig in ya hand”
then, the scally sat behind me n my girlfriend was going:
“go ‘ead lad, give ya bird a kiss lad…eee lad, you’re gay if ya kiss ya bird lad…go ‘ead lad, give a kiss for me”
to which my reply was:
“nah, whats wrong with you? are you some kind of weirdo who gets off on it?”
his mates just buzzed off him.
god love them!
Some man walking down Hardman Street, shouting into his mobile:
“You’ve gotta master the art of phone sex, mate!”
was on the 82A one day goin through speke and these kids on there way home from school where throwing “ya maa…” jokes out left right an center, an i was just geggin in listening an laughin to myself, an the best one that had me in stitches:
“ya maa’s bin up da wall more times than a paint brush lad”
The future is doomed!
I was walkin thought Liverpool one, doing a bit of shopping just before crimbo… and this scally lad, about 14 is moaning to his possible girlfriend… both of them proper little gobby fuckers and the lad was gettin proper annoyed at whatever the girl had to say to him an just come out with this one…
“Oh fuck off… ya maa’s a long distance lorry driver with a goatee”
haha loved it… deffo tickled me pickle!
13 year old scouse girl to a homeless guy:
” Ey lad get on the state of your pasties you screffy bagel!”
Genius
