Ouch!

In the Apple Mac store.

Customer: ‘Can I get an extended warranty?’

Salesman: ‘Yes. Have a guess how much it is?’

Customer: ‘Do I fucking look like I’m here to play games?’

Stairway in the Liverpool One shopping center. Photo by Emma.

On Fire

A Teacher was explaining an incident that involved arson.

Lad in class: ‘Is that where that phrase comes from, arson about?’

He was totally serious!

In the classroom

Classroom of kids.

Lad to girl: ‘You take it up the arse.’

Teacher: ‘Get out of this classroom now.’

2nd Lad: ‘That was naughty wasn’t it, Miss?’

Teacher: ‘Yes it was.’

2nd Lad: ‘He should’ve said “up the bum” shouldn’t he, Miss?’

Overheard by Ryan

There was this band testing their equipment in our local pub.

An auld wino starts shouting ‘One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two. It’s always one-fuckin-two, yer bastards.

Classic

In my mates house a few years ago, but still makes me laugh.

‘D’yer think I could get on Pop Idol, Dad?’

‘Nah, lad, yer might get on bone idle.’

Tango’d

Two kids discussing which drink they should buy in a local newsagents.

‘I’m not getting Tango, it makes yer go orange.’

Overheard by liam

Lad on his way to the toilet.

‘I’ll see yer in a minute, I’m just going for a hit and miss.’

In the Ship & Mitre

Two lads at the bar.

1: I’ve just upset that girl.
2: Why?
1: I spoke to her.