In the Philharmonic Pub
“How’d you like your women?”
“Without dicks!”
In a meeting
Liverpool supporter forced to attend a meeting during the 2nd leg of Chelsea v Liverpool.
“I’m tellin’ ya now if it gets to 2 nil, I’m off!”
Cut Short
I overheard this last year in the hairdressers.
Girl: ‘Are you going anywhere nice for your holidays?
Fella: ‘Yeah, I’m going to Guantanamo Bay.’
Girl: ‘Ooh, that’ll be nice. Will there be any other smart arses there?
Well Flakey
New Brighton ice cream van.
Woman asks for a ninety-nine. The ice cream man says ‘It’ll have to be a ninety-eight.’
The woman asks what a ninety-eight is. The ice cream man says ‘It’s just an ice cream, luv, I’ve run out of Flakes.’
In The Heat Of The Night
Sefton Park at about 2.00am and a drunken argument is thankfully coming to a close.
Lad ‘You think you’re miss fuckin’ world.’
Girl ‘You said I was your world.’
Lad ‘I was pissed when I said that.’
Girl ‘You’re pissed now.’
Lad ‘Not as pissed as I was that night.’
In an Email
At the opening night of an exhibition a German guy had flown over for the opening night. Afterwards everyone was heading down the pub.
Later in an email:
“Did that sinister German drug and kidnap anyone from the pub?”
In the Shop
Lad on mobile phone in shop.
Bud just give me a sec, I’m at the till.
I’m done - I’d run out of bog roll - bad news when your right over the drop zone.
The Bus
Overheard this lad say this to his mate on the bus ‘I went round to her flat last night for a meal; she did lasagne, and then we had them portfolios.’
