St. Aloysius Social Club
Girl getting served at the bar
Barman: ‘What flavour crisps do you want?’
Girl shouts LOUDLY across the club to her mate ‘Hey, what flavour crisps d’yer want grrreeedy hole?’
Liverpool One
Lad shopping with his girlfriend in the new Liverpool One.
“Liverpool One? more like Number Two!”
Overheard by Vicky
Overheard two girls talking the other day on the bus into Town.
1. ‘Have you seen Stephanie?’
2. ‘Yeah.’
1 ‘How’s she doing?’
2 ‘She’s on a diet again.’
1 ‘Aww, she is the full salad dodger though isn’t she.’
A Certainty!
Table full of lads on the piss.
Gorgeous girl walks by and one of the lads belches dead loud.
The girl looks across in total disgust, and continues to the far side of the room.
The lad who belched said ‘They always do that; she’ll be begging me to take her home after.’
Seems reasonable to us
An old fella is at the till in Barclays Bank and the counter clerk says ‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’
The old fella says ‘Yeah, have you got any free money?’
The counter clerk laughs and says ‘I’m sorry we haven’t got any free money today.’
The old fella says ‘Oh, I just thought with all the free money the country was giving you, you might be giving some of it back to the customer.’
Take that!
Don’t Tell Anyone
I saw this car the other day and it was plastered in advertising:
LOSE WEIGHT NOW
LOSE WEIGHT FAST
EASY WEIGHT-LOSS SYSTEM
WATCH THE FLAB FALL OFF
At the back of the car in small lettering it said ‘Discreet Service’.
In Queens Square
Drunk man at Queens square: Oi you! Stupid lad! Stupid lad! Oi!
Bloke: Are you talking to me?
Drunk man: Yeah soft lad! How are you Jake, how was your weekend?!
Bloke: What?
Drunk man: Oh sorry. I don’t know you do I? Sorry.
Overheard by Hannah
