Posted by Chloe
Lad trying to get a new printer working in the office.
Me: ‘Have you read the instructions?’
Him: ‘Nah, the instructions are always wrong.’
Post from Andrew
Overheard in the Tate Gallery, Liverpool.
Fella looking at some conceptual art.
‘I’ve seen some shit in my time, but this is shit with a bonus ball.’
Car Sales
Car sales showroom.
A famous footballer was buying his inlaws a new car for Christmas.
Footballer ‘Do you think they’ll like it?’
Car Salesman ‘I’m not being cute, sir, but I’ll be buying my inlaws a £20 voucher for Marks and Spencer.’
Overheard by Laura
Primark on Church St.
Some lad is trying a shirt on and comes out of the changing rooms to see what his girl thinks.
The girl bursts out laughing.
Lad: ‘What?’
Girl: ‘Yer look like a nob in that.’
Ouch!
In the Apple Mac store.
Customer: ‘Can I get an extended warranty?’
Salesman: ‘Yes. Have a guess how much it is?’
Customer: ‘Do I fucking look like I’m here to play games?’
On Fire
A Teacher was explaining an incident that involved arson.
Lad in class: ‘Is that where that phrase comes from, arson about?’
He was totally serious!
In the classroom
Classroom of kids.
Lad to girl: ‘You take it up the arse.’
Teacher: ‘Get out of this classroom now.’
2nd Lad: ‘That was naughty wasn’t it, Miss?’
Teacher: ‘Yes it was.’
2nd Lad: ‘He should’ve said “up the bum” shouldn’t he, Miss?’
Overheard by Ryan
There was this band testing their equipment in our local pub.
An auld wino starts shouting ‘One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two. It’s always one-fuckin-two, yer bastards.
