On an budget flight, a scouse stewardess was being given a load of backchat by a marauding set of Geordie Stag-weekenders. Telling them to behave themselves, she walked off down the down plane, only to hear “Eh, love, you’ve got a ladder in your tights!” Not stopping, she turned back and shouted over her shoulder, “Why don’t you crawl up it and kiss me arse then!”
My mate told me this happened on a bus in Huyton a few years ago.
Scally 1 “Ya ma lad”
Scally 2 “Ya ma wears army boots on the bog”
Scally 1 “Well your ma brushes her teeth with Pollyfiller”
Courtesy of my friend Claire, on the 58 home from town…..
Boy One: ‘Went out with this bird the other night lad.’
Boy Two: ‘Was she fit?’
Boy One: ‘Nah, had a decent body though.’
Boy Two: ‘Did she get her tits out?’
Boy One: ‘Yeah, Lad.’
Boy Two: ‘Did she whip her fanny out?’
Boy One: ‘Yeah.’
Boy Two: ‘Nice. Love a bit of Fanny me…’
Hahaha Lads Are Animals.
Asda Sefton Park – There’s a few kids messin’ around with the disabled trolleys that attach to wheelchairs, and a member of staff comes out an asks them to get off…
Staff: ‘Can you get off them, there not for playin on?’
Kid: ‘But I’m disabled.’
Staff: ‘No you’re not.’
Kid: ‘I am, I’ve broke me leg.’
Staff: ‘I’ve just seen you runnin’ round the shop.’
Kid: ‘Eeeeh, get you, fuckin employee of the month!’
I’m Chinese, and was working behind a bar in Liverpool.
Man: “What’s your name love?”
Me: “Catherine”
Man: “….but that’s an English person’s name…”
My boyfriend overheard this in Mr Chips last night:
Smackhead: ‘Arr mate how much are your chips I can’t read?’
Guy behind counter: ‘80p for a small, £1.60 for a large.’
Smackhead: ‘Arrrr how many chips can I get for 20p?’
Tramp: ‘Lad, you got 20p for the phone?’
Me: ‘Lad, it’s 40p now!’
Tramp: ‘Go ed then, giz 40.’
I used to work in a newsagents in Kirkby when I was in school. A kid came in one day and asked for half an ounce of ‘Golden Virginger’ and a packet of ”Supposable Razors!’ Classic!
