My Nan once told me that when she lived in Edge Hill in the 60’s, her neighbour who was called Mrs Twaite worked for a nice Jamican family. Well the Jamican guy’s wife was pregnant and went into labour at home. He came running down Angela Street shouting ‘Mrs Twat, Mrs Twat help me my wife has gone into labour!’
Sitting close to the back of the 10A.
Old alcoholic fella in his 60’s smoking a joint, pipes up from nowhere to himself. ” Amy Winehouse, I would… I’d love to fuck her but I’d be worryin’ about the nits.”
Two minutes of the whole bus trying not to laugh then right on cue….
That Britney Spears… I’d give her one… ..when it was all shaved like”.
As he gets off he spots an old woman with a hair net…
“I tell you what queen that Wineshouse needs one of them, she might have a chance then”
All time classic
My boyfriend was walking down an aisle in Bidston Moss Tesco and a couple were looking at some sort of lubricant. As he walks past, the fella says “Is that alright for your arse though?”
One time I was in a newsagent’s when this guy comes in on a bike, talking very loudly on his mobile. He seemed to be talking to his friend about the night before, and what had happened, when he came out with:
“Arr lad, he only got shot in the LEG – what’s he moanin’ about?!”
Smackhead on the back of the 40 bus “I’d never rob anything from T J Hughes, it’s me Nan’s favourite shop”
About 2 years ago I was walking along Church Street and noticed a mother trying the get her toddler into his pram. The kid wasn’t having any of it. Eventually, exasperated and pleading with the child, the mother said:
“Look, if you get in your pram, I’ll give you anything you want!”
The kid very slowly and purposefully got into the pram without saying a word, he allowed himself to be buckled in, then he crossed his arms, looked his mum straight in the eye and said:
“I wanna get out.”
I saw this sign on the wall in the Tanning Salon in Kirkby Town Centre and it just tickled me, it says…
“NO FOOD OR DRINK ALLOWED INSIDE. THIS INCLUDES SAUSAGE ROLLS! “
Walked past Wayne Rooney’s brother by the Burger King and I heard him say to his mate ‘You coming to the KFC to get a bargain bucket in a headlock?’
Then my mate goes to me ‘You should have said to him “I’ve got your brother on my XBOX in HD and he’s one ugly fucker”‘
I was in bits!
