Friday afternoon going into town and three 16/17 year old girls get on at Brunswick.
Girl 1 : “I fuckin’ reckon we should go to Maga (Magaluf) for our first girlie holiday”
Girl 2: “Fuck that yer dickhead, everyone reckons it’s proper like town where yer bump into everyone yer know”
Girl3: “Yeah an Katie Shields has just come back from there an she’s proper dead pale. Proper pale as fuck. She’s a fuckin’ disgrace”
Nice!
When I was about 14 a man came up to me. Must’ve been about 30 odd.
Man: ‘Ey, girl. giz a date’
Me: ‘Erm, no.
Man: ‘Oh, go on. I just got out of prison.’
Me: ‘Still no.’
Man: ‘No, really! Here’s me tag!’
Some scally girls listening to some scouse rap with no sense of irony about it and the lyrics were:
‘Eee yer fuckin’ ballbag,
‘Yer fuckin’ ballbag
‘Everyone knows that yer ma’s a slag
‘Eee yer fuckin’ ballbag
‘Yer fuckin’ ballbag
‘Eee, la sell some skag.
I shit thee not.
A young lad was asking his mum loads of questions about snakes to which she didn’t know the answer. I did so I told him and he started telling me about his pets. I got into a conversation with his mum and I mentioned that I had a rescue dog. When there was a lull in the conversation the little lad piped up:
‘So, if you fell off a mountain, it’d come and rescue you?!’
Girl on the train…
‘Yeah, but he’s not really your fella until he’s come in your mouth.’
Romance isn’t dead!
Man 1 ‘Did you watch that film last night?’
Man 2 ‘Oh yeah, The Shining, that was boss. Who was the main guy in it?’
Man 1 ‘Wasn’t it John Lennon?’
Man 2 ‘No, no it wasn’t him, it was that other guy… Jack Niklaus?’
Man 1 ‘Yeah that’s the one…that bit when he burst through the door with an axe and went…”Heeeeere i am!” ‘
In the Vets in Allerton, with our cat…
The phone rings and the receptionist answers and shouts to the vet:
“We’ve got a dog on the phone who’s eaten three Easter eggs, what should he do?”
Vet: “What type of Easter eggs?”
Receptionist: “Three Wispa eggs”
Vet: “Tell him to come in and we will have to make him sick”
Just walking through the foyer bit of the Sainsbury’s in Woolton where all the pensioners wait for their cabs.
A fella pulls up in a Mondeo, gets out, and starts loading shopping in the car with a woman who’d been waiting outside.
This pensioner with a purple rinse shuffles over and shouts “Eh lad, get on your radio and call me one for Camberly Avenue”.
To which the fella calmly replies “Im not a taxi love, I’m just pickin’ me wife up!”
It was one of those “you had to be there” moments, but I honestly nearly shat me pants laughing out loud!
