Was on the 15 bus coming home from the Liverpool - Tottenham match the other day. The bus was chocka and I heard this lad say to his mate “Rrr ay lad smells like you’ve shit ya fukin Calvins dere”
The whole bus just exploded with laughter. Then after everyone had calmed down the lad shouts “dunno what yas are fukin laffin for wait until it drifts down your ways!”
Comedy at its peak.
Working in town a few years ago and giving the young glass lad loads, he turned to us and said:
“You THREE are a PAIR of dickheads!”
Priceless
Just caught the end of this conversation…
“…and that was the second time a dog bit my baby.”
I was getting some bread from a shop in Anfield when the girl behind the counter was on her mobile.
All I heard was “girl I swear I can’t bare not avin sex any longer, I might go get meself a f**k buddie with a big thick cock cos my fanny’s saggy to f**k after pushing dat fat headed bastard out of it”
Da girl on the phone starts laughing then says ‘girl init, I mean it’s not my fault me fella got done for stabbing dat lad up da arse is it?
Only in Liverpool would you hear that while out getting bread. Love it
An argument in the crown pub the other night between a scouse guy and an irish girl caused a pub wide argument of who’s the scousest.
Man 1 - I was born in Huyton
Man 2 - I’m from L1!
Man 3 - Ey lad, I was born on the Liverbirds!
On the bus in Kirkby I heard two young kids ripping into each other…
Kid #1: “Your ma’s a slag and she shops in Netto”
Kid #2: “Me ma doesn’t shop in Netto!!!”
On the Kirkby train to town. It stops at Kirkdale and a teenage girl gets on while talking on her phone. After a few moments she interupts her friend on the phone and says:
“awwh my god, I swear down, swear down, swear down, this haz gorra be the Kirkby train cos it fuckin stinks!”
In work one staff member saying to a customer…
“Haven’t we had loads of full moons lately? It’s all down to global warming.”
The customer nodding in agreement
Two middle aged women walking down Dale Street…
MAW #1 - Shall we go and give blood?
MAW #2 - yer wha?
MAW #1 - I’d be two pounds lighter when I get weighed tonight
Homeless man in town facing radio city sitting on cardboard playin the flute:
Me: look at him playing the flute in the cold
Brother: yeah but if he doesnt blow on that for money he will have to blow on sumthin else”!!
