2 girls on a bus behind me…
Girl 1 ‘Did you do anything last night?’
Girl 2 ‘No, just stayed in with me fella havin’ a drink y’know.’
Girl 1 ‘You shouldn’t be drinkin’ if ya pregnant y’know.’
Girl 2 ‘No it’s OK, I was only drinkin’ wine ‘n’ lemo, and whisky.’
I nearly burst out laughing!!
I was shopping in Liverpool One the other week, I was passing a shop selling crocs (those plastic shoes) here’s what I heard from the couple a few paces ahead of me…
Man- “Look at them stupid f*@kin shoes you’d look a twat in them.”
Woman- “Tell me about it, they’re f*@kin daft……. they’re just a fad like that f*@kin Humus stuff.”
I laughed out loud, had to turn away! genius! one of the best things I’ve ever heard!
Walking through town by the Carphone Warehouse, two drunken smackheads approach…
Smackhead women: “Whhatt John you can go the toilet in derrrrr.”
Smackhead man: *Growls*
A friend of mine was walking down a main road wearing combat shorts…
Scally in car: ‘Hey lad are they shorts?’
Drives off..
Friend left absolutely speechless
Walking through the park and a scally girl shouts to some scally lads…
Scally Girl: “Ey lad, giz some skins”
Scally lad gives Rizla skins to the girl.
Scally Girl: “Arrrr Melissa! SKUNK SPLIFF!”
Conversation with a bored shop girl looking out the window as she served me on a wet day in Liverpool Centre…
Girl: ‘It’s been fuckin lashin down all day.’
Me: ‘Great, I’m playing rugby tonight.’
Girl: ‘Do ya still play – even if it’s raining.’
Me: ‘Er, yeah.’
Girl: ‘What about ya false tan?’
Me: ‘Well we don’t tend to wear much at our club.’
Girl: ‘Eeeh, can’t yer use brollies?’
Amazing… I was actually speechless.
A group of young lads are all at the back of the bus, messing about etc, when one of them has to get off…
Lad 1 “See ya Monday in school Tony.”
Lad 2 “Yeah, see you Tony.”
Lad 3 “See ya Tony la.”
The lad goes down the stairs and exits the bus.
Lad 3 stands on the seat shouts though the small window “Tony, Tony.” Tony looks up.
“Ya Ma’s got a hairy door hinge !”
A young, pale girl and her equally-as-pale boyfriend passed me on the street when I caught this snippet of conversation..
Boy: ‘You are a Nutella monster.’
Girl: ‘I know! When I’m pregnant, it’s going to be my craving-food, I know it. I’m gonna eat so much Nutella, our baby will be black.’
