Me and my boyfriend decided to sit on the top deck of the 60, when some 12/13 year old scals got on.
1: lad, do yer av enuff weed for me like??
2: lad, ive only got one ciggy an yer not usin that!
1: lad spark it if fer us!
2: …no
1: why ye nob!
2: …we’re on a bus lad, thats naughty. the bizzees’ll get yer!
1: lad, thats an ambo…
On the bus in Kenny, my mate genuinely asks me:
“Ian, why’s a polish shop selling food?”
another day, another journey:
“Why would anyone want to hire a plant? is that like for a garden party or summat?”
God love that simple soul
Caught the end a conversation between two young lads maybe 13-14 years old:
Lad1: Sort yer life out!…
Lad2: Sort yer face out!…
Lad1: Sort yer dad out!…
Thanks for making me smile lads!
Builder number1: ‘…and then I put that chicken in the fuckin’ BASKET!’
Builder number2: ‘…aaaaargh LAD!’
I’d just ended my run which finishes up quite a large hill. Absolutely shattered I stopped put my hands on my knees and was gasping for breath.
2 old dears walking past “ere lad do you wanna borrow me inhaler”
I asked my mate who lives in the town centre to drop some stuff into Radio City…
Me: ‘Did you drop that promotional material into Radio City?
Him: ‘I couldn’t remember where it was.’
Me: ‘See that huge building about four-hundred feet tall, the one with ‘Radio City’ in huge fucking lights? It’s that one.’
Twenty something Mum says to her daughter, who’s about 6:
“What d’ya wan fer lunch? Do ya’s wan a Maccy D’s or an ice cream? Or d’ya want both?”
I didn’t hear the daughter’s response but…
Daft work associate watching a pigeon fly past the window then land on the ledge (we worked on the 24th floor):
Fuck me how did that thing get up there? I was in bulk laughing….
I told this woman she was wearing the wrong size bra. I knew this, as I used to be a bra fitter at Harrods for many years and I would be able to tell her exact bra size if I was allowed to check around her breasts, to feel where it didn’t fit right. To show good faith I put two quid on the bar and told her that if I didn’t get her size exactly right she could keep it. After a bit more reassurance she agreed to let me try, so I got to work on her ample bosom. After a few minutes she asked:
“Well, what size am I then???” to which I replied, “Keep yer fuckin’ two pound!”
Overheard by a load of fellas, trying desperately not to piss themselves laughing while all this was going on. Can’t believe I got away with it.
